I miss all of you. Its been so long since we all hangout. Looking thru the past photos that we had, i wonder how did we even managed to get drifted so far apart.

Its sad to see that we were once a very close clique but now its like all over.

I just wana say that i miss all of you and i wish that you guys would be back in my life again. Thats all i wanted. To have a balance of hanging out with you guys and my other friends.

I miss you guys ♡

Today, i reflected on my past and think thru the things which i had done or what i had gone thru. I realised that in this year, i had met a great friend, Hannah. You could also say that i found another best friend. She is that type of friend that will be there for you no matter what. She will do everything just to save your life. Like she would jump infront of the bullet for you.

I thought of the past of my guy besties. How they left me and how sad i had felt at that point of time. How my friends took me for granted and how stupid i much have been last time.

Now thinking back to the past, i felt really stupid . How i even managed to even hang on there when they all took me for granted and just dont give any single fuck about me. But well , thats the past. Forgive , forget & move on.

I was greatly blessed to have great friends by my side when i needed someone.
For example ,

Nicole Ann , thanks for hearing me out when i needed someone even though you claimed that youre sorry for being the 'hi bye' friend :) im blessed to have you arnd Love you ♥

Hannah Chan, thanks for being therr for me when i was really upset . And thanks for taking all my bull shits and stuffs, you are a really good friend hannah. No words could express how blessed i am to even meet you. Love you ♥

Lynn wong, thanks for being there for me. Even though we drifted apart alittle but yeah thanks for bring me to God and yeah im blessed to have you arnd . Love you ♥

There are still some more. I shall just name it here and i just want to thank all of you guys for being there for me :) i appreciate it :)

Amabelle , Bea , Ming, Karin , Yoke Kae , Nathalene , Jackie , Joshua Wee , Joshua Chan, Don , Liang Jun , Tricia , Julian. And my cell friends for caring for me :)

Thanks for being there guys :)
God bless ♥♥♥♥

Yesterday was horrifying. I have been under pressure about my clique. Well , it started out ok but , these few months its been a hard time for me. So currently im 'excluding myself' from the group.

But in actual fact i was not. They think that i didnt like hanging out with them. Well let me just say this, its not that i didnt like, i like hanging out with them. Its just that i dont feel welcomed and accepted by them. I feel left out almost every single time.

For example, Bea chalet. At the start i really feel uninvited at all. I feel like the 'extra one' . I felt really sad at that point of time. I really wanted to go home. But as its Bea's birthday, i decided to stay. I just wonder, do they even give a single fuck about me? Do they include me? Do they care about how i felt ? Do they? I guess not.

I have been getting singals from them saying that they said they missed me for the sick of saying it. I dont feel their sincerity at all. I felt really left out, although Bea said that she was trying to fit me in .

I remembered one time that Bea told me that, when she's with me, she dont feel depressed at all. But when she is hanging out with the clique,  she feel depressed at some point of time. During sports day, she came and hang out with them. She talked to them and it seems like they are still doing good without me anyway. Whether im there or not, it doesn't mean a single thing to them. Well, I get that a lot anyway. 

I dont feel appreciated in the group.  Like for Bea birthday, they all planned so much for her. But when it comes to me, nothing at all.

Back to topic,  after sports day, I didn't know that they were having lunch together.  So I went ahead with Hannah like I used to. At that point of time, I already felt excluded .

Yesterday, quarrels happened.  Well  they are blaming me for excluding myself so much and for not putting in effort to make the friendship work. Do thet even know how I felt? No they don't.  I have already told Bea about this. Well it seemed like she dont care about me so much that she didnt register that in her head.

I just feel that they some how hate me or dislike me for whatever. Find me weird or what. Or even irritating.

I feel really betrayed by her. Upon reflecting on what she told me, I feel cheated.  I feel sad. I dont know what to do. Its like im stabbing myself on the heart. I do love bea as a bestie. But what she have done to me was unforgettable. People say that I have trust issues,  well they should see what they had done to me.

Part of me wanted to stay but part of me also wanted to leave too. Im just torn between these two choices.

Well, now it seems like I have to decide to stay or to leave.